one hundred pieces of her heart.

given freely, openly, joyfully, and faithfully.

you want me to throw it back in her face?

with out a second thought of what it will do to her heart?

act like you think it's no big deal, but I can see that your hurting.

how could you think that your blood wasn't showing.

your white dress is contrasting with pain that is seeping through.

i am getting tired of this.

i need my father to stop my anger it is welling up inside, and i have plenty of ways to justify my actions.

posted by -Jonlyn L. late at night with out much thought. just some words i strung together.

MER!
(michael k.)

The Castle Turrets Towered High
Like A Diamond In The Sky...

Those words have kept me smiling all week... I have realized that i havent been smiling as much as usual lately
so thank you to my dear freinds with the green pen.
It is amazing to me how certain things in my life effect the entirety of my life. These are big things though...
I try to minimize my feelings about them because the way i feel is not a safe... It is a very vulnerable place.
Even more so not knowing what others feel about what i feel... it is not true that i am amazed by this.. I am just trying to stay on the safe side by saying that- i knew how much this would bother me when it happened..
hmm i am making no sense- i am quite sure.
I will stop. (wow- even that was done out of fear.. fear that i will show too much and you will figure me out- weakness and all.and God forbid that should ever happen!)

Tonight is my last night of class for awhile.. i cannot tell you how happy this makes me! I am not looking so forward to telling Sarah that she can't smoke in my car anymore... anyways... I am all alone for another weekend.. I like this very much! I must go - see you all on Sunday.
Jenn

I can't believe that it was two years ago Sunday.
Two years ago that my Aunt died. She was a beautiful person... Her son had us each come back to the bedroom one at a time so that he could give us something of hers. (myself and my sisters)
We all got one of her scarfs. I remember her wearing the one they gave me... It even still smells a little bit like her. But its interesting.... The smell of the smoke that killed her is gone.

We got back to the church on Sunday night... And there was the van. With wonderful green letters on it.. Now everytime I walk to the car I get a huge smile on my face... Which is much needed because Im usually going to or from school or work... Thanks guys. Speaking of- I have to get to class.... Enjoy this Tuesday night-
See you tomorrow~ *sigh of relief*
Jenn

If only I had a steering wheel.
Then my life would be complete. Jonnie~

Don't talk to me like that! How come you have the ability to make me feel like a silly little girl? Oh I wish you didn't. In fact I wish I had some sardonic remark that would stop you right in your tracks, and make you wonder if I was really talking to you. I shouldn't let it eat me up like this. Jonlyn, stop thinking about it!

So it happened. She looked at me and said "I am sorry, Jonlyn."
Me: "sorry, what for?"
Her: " I am sorry I didn't get you a tutor sooner. I am sorry that I didn't have the ability to teach it to you."

So I just sat there. I was wondering why her apology made me feel bad.
After my pause she continued...

" I am very proud of you. Your working really hard at this and I know you will do well."

I continued in a state of, well, I suppose it was a state of shock. Then I finally replied "thank you"

I never give the right reaction. I mean I never give the reaction that reflects what I am feeling inside. Never is to strong of a word, but it happens to me a lot. I don't like it because I always feel bad for it afterwards.

===================================================================

I have added 28 words to my vocabulary. It is still not enough, but dad was impressed. Yay for me.

I had an encounter with pie today that was interesting. My brain is tired of being crammed with mathematics. It told me that today. Just like my face told me it needed a mask ( the kind for facials. Not the covering up kind *wink*) yesterday.

I am really going to Taiwan!!! I can't believe it. My ticket will be bought very soon. Oh I cant even imagine. Of course I am looking at all of the good things. I don't want yall to know the bad stuff because I just want you to be excited with me for a while. I am going in January I will post the latest info from now until then.

We are leaving to go Sumter Friday morning. I am really looking forward to this trip. I really wanted to be here when the Lands got here though.

PAUSE for a bit of Irish chocolate.......

Ok friends I need to go I have to practice violin... Goodnight I miss you all and I will see you tomorrow!

Jonlyn L.