Sparkle in the eye

a reflection in your mind

Shimer, Glisten, Shine

Her way is unknown

A mystery to behold

Take it in

Breath her fire

Slowly make the light return

The hope of life she renews in you

Failure may slow you

Soon the grip will slip

The fall will be fast

So go ahead

Just give in

Fall

Live

Shimmer

Glisten

-Jonlyn

Nothing mattered

Feeling like a child Trembling before some one they loved after they had messed up again

My hands were shaking

My eyes were dry

I thought I knew what to say

How I was going to plead my case

But then he walked in and those words didn't matter

I wanted justifie myself, but I didn't deserve to

My shame like an open book was being read word for word

Nothing mattered

I've stabed myself in an open wound'

My heart is still bleading

My breath still shallow

These words aren't true enough

They can't speak for this death

Then a another try was all I had

I wanted to beag

To let him see how much I wanted this

The only thing is I messed up

I don't deserve it

I am broken and now I see

Nothing matterred

Some thing was growing inside of me, the sense of belonging

The feeling of home

My safe place

But I have tourn it down with my weakness

Now I will live in the ruble I made

With these two hands

I'll try my best

To climb back out

With my voice I cry to God

He is my only help

These are the times I wish I could hold His hand

I wish I could sleep in His arms

I want Him to show me that life is this,

A learning process, the consiquences are fucking hell

And trust is some times lost, I am undeserving

Because I wonder if life really matters

-jonlyn

I couldn't tell you these thought in my head

Cause you might run away

Then all there'd be is me and them

and that's just bad company

Will you hold me and let me, let it all out

The fear, the pain, the loss, and everything

Then when I'm through kiss me soft

If the words won't come, well they don't matter anyway

Can I let you see what's hurting me

Even if its love, well to hell with that

Cause I've felt that before, and it left me

It left me here

I'm bitter, regretful, and its getting to me

The pain should be fading

My wounds should be healing

But their not

Maybe I should just be alone

For now

When it falls on such an empty space

I won't even feel the pain

Maybe I won't feel

Maybe I will heal a little later

But not now...

-Jonlyn

Trapped inside your head those thoughts keep coming back
The circles that their making seem to have no end
Stop worrying they told you
But when you tried your eyes were cloudy
And if you would close them maybe they'd lead you back to Him
Your sight was getting dim
The only thing that came back was hurt
A hurt so deep inside
The one only you can see
Then thinking....
Sleepless, Endless, Hopeless?
Sure you'll be fine, yeah you'll make it through
But what will be left?
Who will be left?
Then when your time is through will this still hurt
Will you still think and think and think....
Sleepless, Endless, Hopeless?
If you do all of this is lost
All your love...
Just let go
Let the tears fall
Remember those salty wet drop's
They used to stream from those eyes
But they are gone
Dry as the soul beneath
If they fall, I wonder where they'd land
They might fall upon a hardened heart
Softly, Slowly, and maybe they would know
Maybe they would feel
This hurt this pain
Sleepless, Endless, Hopless
You could let go
Then softly, slowly they will fall
In some strange way then atleast,
atleast they would know.
Sleep, End, Hope.

-Jonlyn L.

Sun shine lift me up and hold me here

Falling further, farther still

When did this all change?

I didn't see it coming

Looked to you for help,then you smiled and walked away

Were you lost in thought, or did you just forget

Forget how much I love you

Regain a state of consciousness, that is what I'm waiting for

I assure myself there's more than this

blindly I believe

The faith of a child can only sustain for awhile

I'm hoping there is more

But life is what it seems and its seeming awful dim

Fading into emptiness

wondering how we came to this

Years begin to fade and life just carries you away

So sing hush little baby, and every thing will be ok

here's a lullaby for baby

-Jonlyn

Isn't it funny how no one comes here any more. Remember when "we" all stayed connected through blogger.com? There was some thing here that pulled us all together and drug out our deepest emotions. Now all it drags out of me are tears. I hate this site and for what ever reason I have been finding my-self here alot these past few days. I wonder what it is. I doubt any one will read this, but if you do I love you, I miss you, and I still can't figure out what drove us apart. Not that we aren't friends anymore just that we never talk. And I must admit I find it hard to remain friends with people I never see or talk to. I am sorry for failing so miserable in that department.

-jonlyn

Will you come and hold my hand
Tell me what you see

my heart is still on fire,but my body feels a pain
An unknowan ill has fallen here
The stars all blur and I am back to earth
A subtle sense of safety in these hands
So I cling and hope we stay for now
Atleast for now
You have given me the kiss I need
The one I've sought and chaced
Now it's mine and I am lost
I'm completely lost
Shutter in the dark a fear is creeping in
Still I run to those arms those hands
Hold me close and sing a song
The one I've been missing
Say the words of peace oh say the words of love
Hope of tomorrow streaks of the past
Caught up in time so consistant
Breath life is filling me
But some thing less is calling
Hold on tight don't let me slip
Call my name
Remind me
pursue me

-Jonnie

Life is really great for Jenn right now-
I love summer!
Im happy- thats really all i wanted to say.
Jenn~

THE WORLD CUP

Well there is only so much I can say

I watched the England Vs. Sweeden game tonight

Crazy people these Englishmen

Thats about it

-Jonlyn

Sorry for dropping the F bomb

*The Edited Version*

Yes, I have been away for quite awhile now. No, I wasn't distancing myself from you all. I was simply taking a break. A very long break. I can not promise that the next won't be just as long, sorry.
Life, that is some thing I know a little. Please do emphasize A LITTLE.
I was asked yesterday if I saw my heart aches as a lack of maturity.

My answer was no.

I see them as a learning process.

How could I have ever gotten here with out them.

I couldn't have.

Oh what a thing here would be to miss out on.
If you were looking at my life under a magnifying glass it would look pretty messy.

I would never want anyone to do that actually.

People have tried, but thankfully given up in the process.

Figuring someone out is never as much as you 'de hoped for.

Would you agree?
I am ready to be close again.

The distance is something I could live without.

I am not talking about any certain person, although I presume you thought I was.

A separation has taken place in my life.

In many different and unexpected forms.

Quite frankly I'm tired of it.

THANK YOU!
Now how do I end this?

Can anyone tell me?

You see I would still like to play it safe in the process I wouldn't want to lose control.
Lose
Lose*
Forever?

-jonlyn

GUINNESS*21*LEAF* and the new men in my life....

Well guys... here goes-
Guinness is my new dog... He is amazing! You should all be so lucky to know him!
I am now 21- and enjoying that very much! My birthday was amazing... I got to see both of my best friends- and ALL of my sisters my parents and JT... we are never all together anymore!
Then that night I went on a night hike* Breath taking! It was a beautiful day.
ok.. next-
Oh yes- LEAF... well That was amazing- I danced basically non-stop With my lovely sister and crazy (red headed) aunt... I can't go into the whole weekend for more reasons then one
-no- lets just go with AMAZING!

And this last little bit... Things are good! Really strange timing- and i have no idea what is going to happen - but the nice thing is that there are definite possibilities! And I really like this guy-
And just when im interested in the new guy the old guy comes back around...
Funny how that happens- Sorry no details for now...

Life is good for Jenn... I am still riding the good times from the festival- Trying to remember that Im back in the real world- where it might not be the best Idea to shake my ass every chance I get... I danced SO much guys! Ok.. Im really tired and I know this is very newsy but i needed to get back into it- and I was just tired enough to give it a try.
Much love dear ones! There it is... my life these days- minus alot of amazing details- but you got the general idea-
jenn*

Jenn

To the core..

well ive started and stopped too many times now to continue this post... I guess its one of those nights where im just not sure how I feel. See- I miss this big love- this big huge friendship- and Im afraid that Im going to miss it in other places you know?
Fear is not the best thing to embrace I know... And I believe love overcomes fear- its silly in the light of morning... but on these nights empty of present and full of past... where the memories flood my heart- its easy to look back and fear that that kind of happiness and peace will never be ours again. That these friendships like the others will fade with time. Im almost sorry for my honesty right now.
In reality there are those that will never leave me- but like I said- its one of those nights where the past shadows the present.... There it is the post that wasn't meant to be-
ok... time to step into the light yes?
Sweet dreams.
Jennifer

wow...

Life is moving fast these days...
Pushing forward- making money- and not even asking those questions anymore. The ones of uncertainty- that really uncomfordable feeling that came with not knowing what i believe. Guess what? I have reached the point of acceptance...maybe not completely- but almost. Which I dont think is good... its not like im being content all the sudden- its like im giving up.

Im alive in here somewhere- I can feel me twisting...

Not resting thats for sure.... But in a lot of ways im really happy with where i am- and i get angry when people try to take that away from me.

So on and so forth. But im playing a lot of music- and doing a lot of massage and working with a beautiful baby boy- and meeting people... and missing my dearest friends-
So the amazing balance of life continues- joy-sadness-confusion-love-friendship-music-pain
ok.. nice to be here again. You are all dear to me*

Jennifer Rhea

BOYS IGNORE PLEASE

ok so if you are stranded on the side of the road ( by way of your car breaking down ) and you need, for some reason to put a white piece of clothing in your window. I guess so your car doesn't get towed. And the only white thing you have with you is your bra. Is the white article really that important?

-jonlyn

This is me insecure and incomplete

A hint of red, red memories

I saw the slight hesitation

I heard the final breath

I saw it spinning down, down and still further to it's death

This is you in the light

A dab of blue, blue dreams

I saw a chance you never took

You heard the faithful scream

You saw it spinning down, down and still further to it's death

Now the question fill our head

A hint of grey, grey doubt

If he saw

If he heard

If he felt

If he held us close

He saw us spinning down, down and still further to our death

Why the truth

Why the color

Why the sound

Why the fall

Why?

-Jonlyn

I just took the wires out of my bra

and hooked them together and twisted them weirdly

and told grace it was a peice of abstract art

called "no limitations"

-Hadia

She's a Very Kinky Girl
The Kind You Don't Take Home to Mother
(theme song of west min. mission conference '06)

Softly kiss my broken lips

Slowly breath in my disease

Claw and bite

and tear and rip

As your hair sways in toxic breeze
Try the best of antidotes

Inside you I will remain

Putting on your winter coat

You always try to hide my stain
I've never heard a love like this

Love is pleasing to the eye

I want to feel your tender kiss

But I don't want to see you cry
I know you like I know myself

I know the secrets that you hide

This air is not good for my health

I don't care; I've already died

- Jonathan Cortese

Have you ever come to that point where you are completely content?
Yeah, thats right everthing is going YOUR way
Oh isn't that a perfect way for them to be
Life makes you smile. You look forward to the morning because you just can't wait for the day to begin.
I am sure you have. Right?
Well, if you have then you will know just where it all ends
In pieces on the ground
Doesn't it?
You are plucked out of your "happy place" and thrown into your "hell"
Sounding familliar to anyone?
You start listening to song lerics as if they have all the answers
When in reallity they usual have answers, but they arn't the right ones.
Your looking for an escape
You might as well stop that because there isn't one
I can tell you that straight up
There is no way out
Not from where you are anyhow
The only way to reverse this hell like dream is for you to be plucked right out again
Only this time your headed for greener pastures
Sunny skies and feilds of flowers
Ahh yes your thinking now arn't you?
I hope so
I am.
I can't stop
THINKING

sda'lkfja'pdhtrj
EQPJGT

If we could all just take a bath together, the world would be a better place.

-Jonlyn

Jennifer Linville LMBT

Well... Its official! I am a Licensed Massage and Body Work Therapist. And nationally certified at that! Which means I can be licensed in other states.
I am so excited guys! This is the greatest feeling. Its kind of funny to be waiting so long for just a little number (6075 by the way) let the games begin!
I see great things in my near future... smile
So I have been taking deep breaths and soaking it all in- most everyone thought I was already licensed so... they don't share my excitement when I tell them. But Im thinking I want to go out and celebrate- you know? This is a big deal for me!

So thats the news for Jenn- Let the games begin!
be happy people!

~*~

Digging holes-

Im so good at that!

So I have been sick for the past few days... really feeling like crap! Its starting to let up a bit now and i think im going to go do something. Ive got a bad case of cabin fever going on. Speaking of fevers mine was 102.2 i think thats pretty good! Or pretty bad... i was kind of proud of it. You know? Its like when you get hurt playing sports or something and it kills but then theres not even a bruise and everyone just kind of thinks your faking it(although they would never say it) Thats like not having a fever but still feeling awful. So yes- im thankful for the high temp.

So things are good. really good. Im not worried- Im saving a good bit of money- Im reaching my goals! Which is wonderful... and a little strange. Im not used to "reaching" goals....
im not really used to having them. Im really happy with the choices Ive made and the changes that have come... I feel- confident- able- thats a really great feeling.

I had to cancel a massage today- I always feel really bad for doing that. But I really am sick!
ok. this is getting dull. Im going to go see if a shower won't send me right into feeling great.
Ill come back some time.
Jenn~

Barbara Allen

They burried him neath the old church tower,

They burried her bnigh him,

And from his grave grew a red, red rose,

From barbrys grew a green briar.

They grew and grew neath the old church tower

Till they could grow no higher,

And there they twined in a true lovers knot.

The red rose

And

The green briar.

There is your folk song for the week- well the last two verses of one anyways

Jenn~

Here we go again...

I can't be contented with yesterdays stories
I can't live on promises autumn to spring~

Ha! wanna bet? Jenn is all about hanging on to yesterday-
Im working on it though... its just those random things that make you go- hmm?
I wonder! anyways- my head hurts so bad right now...
and I have two massages to give in the morning...
so sleep is probably my best bet. Hope your well.

Jenn
*i know john denver sang it... but im not sure who wrote it.

Summer

by my cousin Claire

Oh how I miss you

Your kiss like strawberries has faded

The warm and breezy days have past

But soon I'll have you back

A girl after my own heart! Shes 10 by the way- and amazing.

Sigh... please come quickly! I was not made for these winter winds.

Hope you guys are doing great... my life has been- eventful.

And im loving it.

soon im sure-

Jenn~

EELS AND CAVES

Im sorry... Truly- but isn't that what conflict is all about? sigh... If we could all just be comfortable in our own damn skin and not go around parading like false peacocks... the world would be a lot less confusing... so what am i saying? Embrace your peacock people! And hang on for the ride... wherever the hell it takes you!
oh... and strive for peace love and happiness.

~guenevere

Hey Beautifulls!!! I am having such a great day,you don't even know. Its like a really good dream. I have had such an easy day at school. I only have one more class and it's not even a real class I just get to sit and listen to a girl play the violin. What more could I want!

Today will be my first day back to violin lessons,but I am looking forward to it. I have actually missed my teacher. Yeah the lady who made me cry after my first 3 lessons. I would leave and get the car and just sobb I fealt like a violin retard or some thing. I know thats what I needed though.

I get to write an essay on whatever I want! I am really excited about it, but I really need to get started I want it to be good. I don't just want to be average. Average oh man. My rough draft is due on monday and I have to let other people in my class look at it and trade with them so they can critique my writing .... uhm SCARY!!!

My nose is really bugging me today! It just keeps sneezing. I am gonna go now. have an amazing day.

-Jonlyn (unchecked,again)

I climbed up in this tower because I thought you'd find me here

But the road is dark and dusty, and over grown with fear

The rain is falling and my heart is colder like frozen glass it shatters when it breaks

Remind me why I came here, feeling so heroic

I thought I heard you calling, you were calling my name

Now your shadows turning, and your voice is not the same

I think they've lost the last page, my storry book ending

That happy ever after,isn't that the way they read it?

Don't they all end the same?

-Jonlyn (awhile back)

Well, there was a little faulter at the aulter of confession
Down on it's knees true did fall
31 days and sleepless night, she woke up to end it all
With I love in fresh tattoo right acrossed his chest
She tore her name right off his heart
Heres to bein blessed

Oh love oh love you fickle thing
Such pretty word and golden rings
It was a broken dream right from the start
Bless their torchered tangled hearts

-Dixie Chicks


This post is from Jonlyn

Hey Friends,

I am having a very good day! I found out that I made an A on my theory test!!!! I was so worried about it you don't even know. Thank God I passed!

I do have a lot of home to do though so by the time my day ends I may not be so happy. I wom't be to sad though cause I get to talk to you you know who today! and he is coming in March! The 30'th to be exact.

I am hoping to go to England in June, but I have to talk to vall because we are planning a road trip out west! I wouldn't want to miss that so I am gonna have to begin some schedualling.

I have to go do some reading YUCK! I hate to read honestly, but I despise reading when it's about History and English. I guess it has to be done, unfortunitly

-Jonnie

P.S. This is totally UNCHECKED

The other day I had a very inspiring thought.
Today I forgot what it was.
Isn't that a bummer?
Maybe I could have written somthing that would have made you smile
I guess I need to be more responsible with my thoughts
You know hold on to them a bit long
I never have been one to keep them very long
Jenn is always telling me I have such a bad memorrie
The things I remember are the things I love
Places, people, dreams, smells, feelings,sounds
They can all be the most wonderful, or the most horrible
Interesting thought I hope you read it cause I won't remember tomorrow

I got in a tizzy last night because my mom is gone.
What would I do with out her I hope not what I did lastnight
Well, let me explain,I know you want me to
I had a dream it wasn't real, but it felt more reall than this post does
It was aweful I might call it a nightmare.
I was gone on vacation and I slept with a guy ( not just next to him you know what I mean)
He wasn't my boyfriend! How could I even dream about that?
I would hate my self if I ever did that God keep me far from it!
It the worst dream ever the emotions were exactly what I would feel if I cheated on my boyfriend, and I never want to feel that way again,NEVER

I have to go to class. -Jonlyn

A new instrument!
For someone like me... thats a big deal! This has made my year.Do you know how much is to a guitar? especially one like this? deep breath- I have a relationship with each guitar-violin- piano- that ive ever played over any amount of time. That might make me strange... well im already strange so- but anyways...
Its the most amazing guitar guys... its so diferent looking. I can't wait to show it to all of you! My dear friend from school gave it to me too- so it means even more... im so excited! Ok... i have to go-
I need to go get a shower and start the day.
Hope yours is amazing! Mine will be!

guinevere

A disconnect....

And i guess thats just the way it is. I don't know why. kinda sucks!

Anways... I feel like i have been getting a lot done lately. Its nice! Im going to be making a lot of money this weekend/week. With work and Massage. Also this lady called us that i used to work for... she needs some help this weekend with a lady who is in the hospital. This kind of work can be hard- its basicaly just being there constantly incase something happens... and to be sure the nurses do their job- with meds and all.
But I will be in a hospital for 24 hours strait... that can be really challenging for me. I will let you know how it goes! Today was a good day... we are getting ready to practice some music. Im listening to the Eagles now-
yeah... things are good.

Ill be back after the weekend... oh sunday is jts Birthday- if you leave him a comment on here ill show it to him. He's turning 12... wow he will be one two and i will be two one... sweet!
bye guys
Jenn

BLA BLA BLA SHIKEDY BIKEDY BOO- SHAOP NAOP BOP CAT DOOT-

i just told you all of my deepest secrets and desires...

(pretend venting... its all the rage these days!)

Wow- the weight that has been lifted. I feel so much better guys! thanks for being there for me!

Jenn~

ain't no sunshine when she's gone~

sigh... life is so strange yes?

"he's freakin early!"

and hes sitting right behind me so i better go-
have fun guys!
~jenn (best friend to jessie leigh)

Happy New Year?

I am sorry to say I kind of had a slightly happy new year, or some thing like it. What ever it was I know it was not a whole heartedly happy new year. I think I just have to greet it with smile and push on any ways.

Last night was very,well lets just say it reminded me of a lot of things. Big things and little things. Some of them I missed so deeply there was a sinking feeling in my stomach (I am sure you know the one) However, there were some I didn't miss at all and I was reminded of how much I really didn't miss them. Oh, I just can't seem to get past the ones I do miss though.

There was also there utterly disturbing realization that I have exactly 15 days to complete this horrible application. I will do it though,and I just need to stop waiting for motivation because I don't see any coming my way. Not any time soon. I mean I have things I am looking forward to really really looking forward too, but they aren't things I will get because I do well in school. You know? I hope you do. I am not trying to be confusing or illusive about any of this, but thinking about you reading this I just don't know if it will piece together. I hope it does.
I will leave with that little disclaimer. I hope you are having a whole heartedly happy new year I truly do

In an awkward stage -Jonlyn