Nothing mattered

Feeling like a child Trembling before some one they loved after they had messed up again

My hands were shaking

My eyes were dry

I thought I knew what to say

How I was going to plead my case

But then he walked in and those words didn't matter

I wanted justifie myself, but I didn't deserve to

My shame like an open book was being read word for word

Nothing mattered

I've stabed myself in an open wound'

My heart is still bleading

My breath still shallow

These words aren't true enough

They can't speak for this death

Then a another try was all I had

I wanted to beag

To let him see how much I wanted this

The only thing is I messed up

I don't deserve it

I am broken and now I see

Nothing matterred

Some thing was growing inside of me, the sense of belonging

The feeling of home

My safe place

But I have tourn it down with my weakness

Now I will live in the ruble I made

With these two hands

I'll try my best

To climb back out

With my voice I cry to God

He is my only help

These are the times I wish I could hold His hand

I wish I could sleep in His arms

I want Him to show me that life is this,

A learning process, the consiquences are fucking hell

And trust is some times lost, I am undeserving

Because I wonder if life really matters

-jonlyn