A Christmas feast for the crows

Half of a carcus-blood-fir-before them
they all swarm around to sit nicely
and fill their bellies- death has given them life
The sky is gray somtimes rainy
the mountains dissapear- you cannot see the lady
the fog is too thick
not to mention the tears in your eyes- brimming at the surface
but never breaking the thresh hold
theres no music that your ears can hear this morning to push out the pain
you keep forgetting that your in a hury
look down and realize your only going thirty
faster-faster
and their waiting for you!
Joyously...
you pull in and can't remember how you got there
when your surrounded by them once more
you forget about the hurt
its an amazing day and life is beautiful
but in the back of your heart you know something
that you have to make that drive so many times
starting tomorrow
It was the dead deer that got me thinking... and the crows that were there eating.

Jennifer.

Tired...

Wow... i really cant decide what i want to say. Im still confused to the depths of my being-

All my answers turned out questions in the end

Maybe soon i will know where i stand on all this. Maybe ill just choose one way or the other.
Im sick of my ever changing heart. Consistancy-Balance-conclusion! Please

You've got the cool water when the fever runs high
Youve got the look of love light in your eye

and that dance and everything leading up to it has been running through my head all week...
sigh... i have to go- peace be yours tonight my friends.

Jenn~
*Alison K.
*paul simon

The latest....

Would you tell me when to go

I will ask you how you know

I was lying in the desert when you picked me up

I was lying in the sunshine but dark was all I felt

You asked to stay awhile

You asked to stay by my side

Could you tell me where to go

So I could as you how you know

Would you show me where to step

Up the green hill

Through the valley

To the depths

I will follow my true love ere he rides

Through the firery desert

Up the mountain side

You asked to stay by my side

And you asked to stay awhile

I buried him when the sky was gray

I did not fear

Soon I'd share his Fate

The mountains cast there shadows on unseeing eyes

Rain and wind no matter still there he lies

You called me to your side

You called me to stay awhile

You came and told me where to go

I didn't ask you

how you know

One hundred years ago today

stories come

And some they stay

You can still hear their love song

Singin soft and low

Would you tell me

Where to go

Would you tell me

Where to go

Jenn&Jonnie

Listen up this is one of those "short and sweet" things

I am losing it (it being controle over tears)

It's gone!

Today I almost started crying in class, that is a huge mistake

NEVER cry in class

I shouldn't have listened

I got a speech today about not giving up!

How dare he give me that?

Oh I was mad, but surprisingly I kept my mouth shut

I wonder of tomorrow will be better?

-Jonlyn

Patience Is A Virgin

I will spare you the details... but is there not a wealth of truth in that statement?

I was pulled over saturday night on the way home from Asheville... I really don't know why this happens to me so much- its really getting old. Although there has been a pretty good bit of time between this encounter and the last. So I got pulled for drunk driving...
"You were a little left of center there ma'am.. everything alright?"
bla bla bla
"You havent been drinking tonight have you?"
bla bla bla (while looking terribly sorry and explaining how tired i was and how i had to work late and im almost home sir...)
Went through the whole license thing... all though he never took it back to his car to check up on me- then he gave my door a little "love pat" and " well you be careful tonight!" no ticket i guess i cant complain too much.
He shined the light right in my eyes as soon as he got to my window... and ofcourse he was riding my tail the whole time before he pulled me over... thats what makes me mad- why cant you be a nice cop?
anyways... I hadnt been drinking which made me very happy- not that i would have been drunk and driving home but- im just a really bad liar. I probably would have told him I had a few drinks... knowing me.

I was so frustrated just a few min. ago... Im trying to get my stinking aplication in for massage and its really making me crazy. I dont want to think about it too long or im going to get myself worked up again- so after i was too frustrated to do any good i put it all up and practically ran to the piano to vent on the keys. This piano has taken so much of my crap over the years- its big and heavy and can handle the weight of my world. I found a picture of me the other day- I guess i was 2 or so- and im standing reaching up to play our piano- the keys are just in reach.
I hope i was a cool kid... I feel weird- I think im done for now.
enjoy the day people.
Jenn~

I was only movin on when your love was giv'n to me

I would hold you in my arms one day

It was just to much to bare

His eyes they saw me scared

Strength what I wanted

Such a simple pray

It was my only pray

They called my name out loude

Walking through the door I knew I loved you

But lost is all you were

I know I'll never hold you

Inside me there was pain

Nine months were filled with rain

Shivering from cold

I knew your life went on

this is the story that was told

I will hold you in my arms

It's such a simple prayer

This is my only prayer

For two beautiful babies who I know I'll see one

I'll keep you from the cold

Forever I will love you

And in my arms I'll hold

-Aunt Jonnie

I don't want you to see me

I don't want you to talk to me

I don't want you to correct me

I dont want you to touch me

I don't want you to empress me

I don't want you to need me

I am not a controle freak!

I am not making you walk on egg shells

I am not making you tip tow around my throne

I am not letting go

I am not hold on to titely

I am not messing my life up

I can balance school,violin,friend, and family

I can make it till the 20'th

I can pass my eaxams

I can leave you unhappy

I can dance in the snow (if it would only snow)

I can fly to the moon

I will jump a train

I will drive to california

I will fly across the sea

I will Kiss your face

I will learn to live a little better

I will endure

I don't, I am not, I can, I will

I know there is to much me.

To much me!

I don't know why I've been trying to hide it.

-Jonlyn

Eye Contact...

Do you believe in signs
That whisper inside your mind
Do you have to follow through?
Leading you home again
To some place you've never been
I feel that way for you....

And I wonder who he saw when he turned around to introduce himself.
I saw a friend... Kind eyes- eyes that didn't shy away but held my gaze.
I was scared- coming in late... a month late at that. A test on that month in about a week-
A deep breath... and class began. The world as I knew it would never be the same.
A musical friendship... One I will never regret or apologize for.
They all came around me and held me up- Took me in.

How can it be true
The first time I see you
And look into your eyes-
Suddenly I knew you all my life
All my life
All my life
Suddenly I knew you all my life

Jenn~
*David Wilcox

slowly fading misery

Laughter lately visits me

Hardly knew where you went

Looking for you

Leading onward

Pushing ahead

Ceasing, hardly, thinking

Run, run quick

Close them tight seal it shut

She's spinning spinning

Take the wheel

Gently whisper in her ear

Forgotten all she ever knew

She's not broke

I think it's you

-Jonlyn

Bath tub confessions...

Though its kind of funny-
because you will never know that i was talking to you while washing my hair.

I let it all out last night. I told my fears my hopes my love... And I wasn't judged- or preached at.
It is a beautiful thing to be loved.

I process a lot in my sleep. Its much easier for me to stay focused that way. If I can lay there with my eyes closed and imagine all of it i can get a lot of things worked out.
Oh and I am living life. Reality always comes bace to kick my ass. But I am happy to feel this way- and Feel it deep in my soul. With my whole being. it scares me. I refuse to run from it though. You can't do that and feel at the same time. Not these painfully deep feelings.
I have no idea what Im saying to you- Ill go dream up a post and get back to you.

Many thanks to that amazing girl, who knows my heart- and doesnt run screaming in the other direction.

Jenn~