I knelt down and scraped through the broken peaces. I was trying to find the time we said we'd always keep in touch. I tried to remember how it felt to be so sure. How offensive the thought of not knowing you was. Now I have found it, and it hurts like nothing I could ever describe. I remember and the only thing that is killing my memory is wondering if you found it too. Do you remember that night?
It is all to clear to me now... Please tell me you've found it too.
-Jonlyn
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Sunday, September 26, 2004
His eyes were so bright... Wonder if I will ever see them again?
How can I speak in the silence of an insecure people, in my insecurity?
I don't have the answer. I don't have any answers. I am in the dark and yes I am pissed(in the American sense that is,Emily * wink) thanks for asking. That could be among the few questions I actually do have an answer for.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She was so inexplicably beautiful. Every thing about her was screaming elegance, rather every thing about her was elegance. The very definition it's self.
"some day when I'm awfully low I will feel a glow just thinking of you... And the way you look tonight."
I have never loved listening to any one more than her singing. It caught my heart and held it in it's hands for a few hours. Funny how music is such a comfort to me. My only sanity in the day.
Heather: "Jonlyn, are you ok?"
Marissa:" you seem distant and your not partaking in the conversation"
I just smile and then, from the one who knows me best these words came.
Jennifer: " She is fine. She is just listening to the music."
Smiling again, with the comfort that she knows me just the way I am. I turned my gaze back to that elegant figure behind the baby grand. Continued to enjoy the beautiful notes flowing from it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every one was gone. I slipped out for a walk to the field. Picking up an acorn along the way. I fell asleep under the sun. Some how I felt His arms around me today as the sun shone, and I knew He still cared, I am still His daughter, He still loves me, He knows what I need, and when I need it.
That was the first time in a long time I felt Him holding me close. Hugging me a dead lifeless thing. Cold and scornful, dirty and ragged.
BROKEN...
-Jonlyn
How can I speak in the silence of an insecure people, in my insecurity?
I don't have the answer. I don't have any answers. I am in the dark and yes I am pissed(in the American sense that is,Emily * wink) thanks for asking. That could be among the few questions I actually do have an answer for.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She was so inexplicably beautiful. Every thing about her was screaming elegance, rather every thing about her was elegance. The very definition it's self.
"some day when I'm awfully low I will feel a glow just thinking of you... And the way you look tonight."
I have never loved listening to any one more than her singing. It caught my heart and held it in it's hands for a few hours. Funny how music is such a comfort to me. My only sanity in the day.
Heather: "Jonlyn, are you ok?"
Marissa:" you seem distant and your not partaking in the conversation"
I just smile and then, from the one who knows me best these words came.
Jennifer: " She is fine. She is just listening to the music."
Smiling again, with the comfort that she knows me just the way I am. I turned my gaze back to that elegant figure behind the baby grand. Continued to enjoy the beautiful notes flowing from it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every one was gone. I slipped out for a walk to the field. Picking up an acorn along the way. I fell asleep under the sun. Some how I felt His arms around me today as the sun shone, and I knew He still cared, I am still His daughter, He still loves me, He knows what I need, and when I need it.
That was the first time in a long time I felt Him holding me close. Hugging me a dead lifeless thing. Cold and scornful, dirty and ragged.
BROKEN...
-Jonlyn
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
I walked out of the room, Shut the door behind me and knew that my mom would sleep well through the night- and most likely come home tomorrow.
As soon as the door shut I heard crying. Looked up and about a foot away from me was a small group of family and friends that did not share that same peaceful feeling. The two women were holding each other- One of them seamed to have just found out. There was an older couple leaning against the wall- both with tears in their eyes.
I pulled John Thomas towards me and we walked by-
People are in pain... Everywhere you turn in this place.
and after the past few days... I feel sick to my stomach about it. Sick and Grateful.
No chilling winds or poisonous breath
Can reach that healthful shore
Sickness sorrow pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.
Jenn
As soon as the door shut I heard crying. Looked up and about a foot away from me was a small group of family and friends that did not share that same peaceful feeling. The two women were holding each other- One of them seamed to have just found out. There was an older couple leaning against the wall- both with tears in their eyes.
I pulled John Thomas towards me and we walked by-
People are in pain... Everywhere you turn in this place.
and after the past few days... I feel sick to my stomach about it. Sick and Grateful.
No chilling winds or poisonous breath
Can reach that healthful shore
Sickness sorrow pain and death
Are felt and feared no more.
Jenn
Monday, September 20, 2004
The day continues in its mundane fashion.
I am mad at my email account. I wanted to write her and it had no right to stop me! I miss her so much I can't even say. Oh why is it so hard?
I have no words to say to you. I feel so empty, so lost, and so tired.
What do you do when you can't go on.
Where do you go when your sunshines gone.
What do you do when the rain pours down.
Where do you go when your dreams fall down?
I hope you are well. I am going to see mom later today. The surgery went well. She could be in the hospital up to Wednesday it all depends.
I am mad at my email account. I wanted to write her and it had no right to stop me! I miss her so much I can't even say. Oh why is it so hard?
I have no words to say to you. I feel so empty, so lost, and so tired.
What do you do when you can't go on.
Where do you go when your sunshines gone.
What do you do when the rain pours down.
Where do you go when your dreams fall down?
I hope you are well. I am going to see mom later today. The surgery went well. She could be in the hospital up to Wednesday it all depends.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
"The older I get the more stupid I am about life. I know name, thats about it."
-Joshua (not our cousin)
This post is for... is in honor of... is a tribute to... YOU!
For you our dear Rachel-
The thing is we have nothing to say. All the words inside have slowly slipped into nothingness. A figment of Jenns imagination I am just BSing... love you furf
slight sardonic expression from the corners of your eyes. Confussion enters in and I am overwhelmed. Laughing crying scream singing. Your wondering now if sanity remains and all I know is you are near and i can feal you by my side.
Ok... so all of everything before and after the "this post is for you" and all that... was not for you. Jonlyn decided to take a trip down loo loo lane- and now we're back!
So what we want to say to you is this-
When your down and troubled
And you need some love and care
and nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night.
If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knockin' at your door.
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running ,
To see you again
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall
All you gotta do is call
And I'll be there, yest I will-
You've got a friend.
We love you Rachel!!!
Jenn & Jonnie
-Joshua (not our cousin)
This post is for... is in honor of... is a tribute to... YOU!
For you our dear Rachel-
The thing is we have nothing to say. All the words inside have slowly slipped into nothingness. A figment of Jenns imagination I am just BSing... love you furf
slight sardonic expression from the corners of your eyes. Confussion enters in and I am overwhelmed. Laughing crying scream singing. Your wondering now if sanity remains and all I know is you are near and i can feal you by my side.
Ok... so all of everything before and after the "this post is for you" and all that... was not for you. Jonlyn decided to take a trip down loo loo lane- and now we're back!
So what we want to say to you is this-
When your down and troubled
And you need some love and care
and nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night.
If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knockin' at your door.
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running ,
To see you again
Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall
All you gotta do is call
And I'll be there, yest I will-
You've got a friend.
We love you Rachel!!!
Jenn & Jonnie
Monday, September 06, 2004
If I were a painter I would paint your memory. Climb inside the swirlin sky's to be with you.
oh the thought of coming home, it has entered my mind. It will be reality, as I step on that plane at 10 am tomorrow morning.
The fact that I will be leaving to see so many people I love and truly miss with all my heart will cause so much joy to be alive in my soul. The truth that I will be scared out of my mind of flying with out a friend. Navigating my way through a seemingly never ending airport. Perhaps I will get lost. At this point I would find a bathroom and cry. Then I would realize stupid me, just ask that person over there wearing that vest that says, ask for my assistance. I don't really know if those exist in airports, but they do have a desk with a person standing behind it. I am sure they will know.
The overwhelming sadness that ,yes I am leaving one of my dearest friends. Yes I am afraid, sad, happy, and so many other things. I know God holds her in his hand. Yes I know this, but why the hell does he have to hold her in his hands in Ireland instead of NorthCarolina?
I will cry as I am now because I know what she is dealing with is a million times harder than what I am dealing with, I know the only thing I can do is pray, and I don't like that knowledge.
I am going to go now. Now that I have got myself all down and out about this. I am looking so forward to seeing all of your lovely faces and hugging you harder than ever! I miss you!
I will see many of you tomorrow. I hope.
With Love - Jonnie
From Dublin Ireland the last. Please pray for me tomorrow as I begin my journey home, and have to say goodbye to Ireland and my sweet Emily.
oh the thought of coming home, it has entered my mind. It will be reality, as I step on that plane at 10 am tomorrow morning.
The fact that I will be leaving to see so many people I love and truly miss with all my heart will cause so much joy to be alive in my soul. The truth that I will be scared out of my mind of flying with out a friend. Navigating my way through a seemingly never ending airport. Perhaps I will get lost. At this point I would find a bathroom and cry. Then I would realize stupid me, just ask that person over there wearing that vest that says, ask for my assistance. I don't really know if those exist in airports, but they do have a desk with a person standing behind it. I am sure they will know.
The overwhelming sadness that ,yes I am leaving one of my dearest friends. Yes I am afraid, sad, happy, and so many other things. I know God holds her in his hand. Yes I know this, but why the hell does he have to hold her in his hands in Ireland instead of NorthCarolina?
I will cry as I am now because I know what she is dealing with is a million times harder than what I am dealing with, I know the only thing I can do is pray, and I don't like that knowledge.
I am going to go now. Now that I have got myself all down and out about this. I am looking so forward to seeing all of your lovely faces and hugging you harder than ever! I miss you!
I will see many of you tomorrow. I hope.
With Love - Jonnie
From Dublin Ireland the last. Please pray for me tomorrow as I begin my journey home, and have to say goodbye to Ireland and my sweet Emily.
Friday, September 03, 2004
And I'm gone to Carolina in my mind......
I was thinking of home today. Do you know what made me think of that place?
Sub Way of all things... Yes the sub place. A familiar smell I suppose. There is one other smell that always makes me feel as if I am sitting in my yard in Moms garden. Butter fly bush. They have it here, but it is more like a tree. They grow gigantic sizes.
Mrs. Cindy and I walked all over Dublin today, I am sure I lost five pounds. This is good because in all I have probably gained 15 ; ) Anyhow what I was going to talk about is this. I like Dublin yes, but I hate it too. The things I love about it are, unusual. That man who stands on the side of the street atop a platform holding a feather, while painted gold. He looks so freaky, but I would stand and stare at him forever if left to decide. Fortunately I have always been rushed along by my friends.
I love the flower stand, and the brick streets.
Those are the things I like, and now that I think about it there is really only one thing I cant stand. This is low to yall, so if you were expecting some insprationall though or anything like that, just pull your self out of that mind set now.
Ok so I hate Dublins sense of fashion!!!! Only because I cant afford it. It is the best in the world and I would totally wear this stuff, but its freaking impossible. I have found my weakness... Shoes, not any shoes, but European shoes. I love them! I have forced myself to not even look into the windows of the shops. Ok enough of that. I will have a beautiful post for you when I get home, but now I lack anything of that nature. Truly sorry. Perhaps nt, but you get the point.
Jennifer my beloved sister,
Do not be dismayed all will work out. I know I am speaking in the dark, but I know it is true our savior will guide you through these otherwise impossible times. I am praying for and it hurts my spirit to know you are in a time of need, and I am unable to be there. Please do not fret my dearest friend. You are so beautiful to my heart and I miss you deeply.
I lift mine eyes up unto the mountains where does my help come from?
My help comes from you maker of heaven creator of the earth.
Oh how I need you Lord you are my only hope you are my only prayer.
So I will wait for you to come and make me whole....
Three more days my turtle dove!!!@!!!!!!
Forever and always your Jonnie....
P.S. unchecked. frome Dublin Ireland!
I was thinking of home today. Do you know what made me think of that place?
Sub Way of all things... Yes the sub place. A familiar smell I suppose. There is one other smell that always makes me feel as if I am sitting in my yard in Moms garden. Butter fly bush. They have it here, but it is more like a tree. They grow gigantic sizes.
Mrs. Cindy and I walked all over Dublin today, I am sure I lost five pounds. This is good because in all I have probably gained 15 ; ) Anyhow what I was going to talk about is this. I like Dublin yes, but I hate it too. The things I love about it are, unusual. That man who stands on the side of the street atop a platform holding a feather, while painted gold. He looks so freaky, but I would stand and stare at him forever if left to decide. Fortunately I have always been rushed along by my friends.
I love the flower stand, and the brick streets.
Those are the things I like, and now that I think about it there is really only one thing I cant stand. This is low to yall, so if you were expecting some insprationall though or anything like that, just pull your self out of that mind set now.
Ok so I hate Dublins sense of fashion!!!! Only because I cant afford it. It is the best in the world and I would totally wear this stuff, but its freaking impossible. I have found my weakness... Shoes, not any shoes, but European shoes. I love them! I have forced myself to not even look into the windows of the shops. Ok enough of that. I will have a beautiful post for you when I get home, but now I lack anything of that nature. Truly sorry. Perhaps nt, but you get the point.
Jennifer my beloved sister,
Do not be dismayed all will work out. I know I am speaking in the dark, but I know it is true our savior will guide you through these otherwise impossible times. I am praying for and it hurts my spirit to know you are in a time of need, and I am unable to be there. Please do not fret my dearest friend. You are so beautiful to my heart and I miss you deeply.
I lift mine eyes up unto the mountains where does my help come from?
My help comes from you maker of heaven creator of the earth.
Oh how I need you Lord you are my only hope you are my only prayer.
So I will wait for you to come and make me whole....
Three more days my turtle dove!!!@!!!!!!
Forever and always your Jonnie....
P.S. unchecked. frome Dublin Ireland!
Thursday, September 02, 2004
In the morning when I rise
Bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything- is gonna be alright.
I heard this song on the radio on the way home. I was thinking about how the last time i had heard it everything was alright.... I was cruising a long in my grandfathers boat... in the beautiful waters of Destin Florida.
my dad jonlyn and i singing it at the top of our lungs...
I need someone to tell me it will all be alright.
Jenn
(Jonlyn i miss you so much!)
Bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything- is gonna be alright.
I heard this song on the radio on the way home. I was thinking about how the last time i had heard it everything was alright.... I was cruising a long in my grandfathers boat... in the beautiful waters of Destin Florida.
my dad jonlyn and i singing it at the top of our lungs...
I need someone to tell me it will all be alright.
Jenn
(Jonlyn i miss you so much!)
HELLO! We are in the Hylton's new house! It is lovely, I must say.
There is a quite little garden out back, and it is beautiful, as all Irish gardens are. I find their abillity to garden amazing, no no astonnishing.
My dear Emily is away to school now. I am very proude of her. She is so strong, but she isn't to strong to addmit the hard stuff.
Yesturday she and I had an adventure (propper wording)
It all start when we made a run into donlairghy oh bother I have no Idea how to spell it. It is pronounced dunleary. Anyhow we had a mission. Art supplyes and book. Ok not to hard
We arrive. Art suplyes? Check . Book uhm I dont remember the name.
So we wlak back to the house no book find out the name of the book walk back to the store.
To be continued.
Oh and I am not aloude to go into guest books so jenn dont write me in there ok. Email is good.
I miss you all. KISS!!@!@
From Dublin, Ireland. Jonnie
P.S. marissa I found your future Husband.
There is a quite little garden out back, and it is beautiful, as all Irish gardens are. I find their abillity to garden amazing, no no astonnishing.
My dear Emily is away to school now. I am very proude of her. She is so strong, but she isn't to strong to addmit the hard stuff.
Yesturday she and I had an adventure (propper wording)
It all start when we made a run into donlairghy oh bother I have no Idea how to spell it. It is pronounced dunleary. Anyhow we had a mission. Art supplyes and book. Ok not to hard
We arrive. Art suplyes? Check . Book uhm I dont remember the name.
So we wlak back to the house no book find out the name of the book walk back to the store.
To be continued.
Oh and I am not aloude to go into guest books so jenn dont write me in there ok. Email is good.
I miss you all. KISS!!@!@
From Dublin, Ireland. Jonnie
P.S. marissa I found your future Husband.