A Christmas feast for the crows

Half of a carcus-blood-fir-before them
they all swarm around to sit nicely
and fill their bellies- death has given them life
The sky is gray somtimes rainy
the mountains dissapear- you cannot see the lady
the fog is too thick
not to mention the tears in your eyes- brimming at the surface
but never breaking the thresh hold
theres no music that your ears can hear this morning to push out the pain
you keep forgetting that your in a hury
look down and realize your only going thirty
faster-faster
and their waiting for you!
Joyously...
you pull in and can't remember how you got there
when your surrounded by them once more
you forget about the hurt
its an amazing day and life is beautiful
but in the back of your heart you know something
that you have to make that drive so many times
starting tomorrow
It was the dead deer that got me thinking... and the crows that were there eating.

Jennifer.

Tired...

Wow... i really cant decide what i want to say. Im still confused to the depths of my being-

All my answers turned out questions in the end

Maybe soon i will know where i stand on all this. Maybe ill just choose one way or the other.
Im sick of my ever changing heart. Consistancy-Balance-conclusion! Please

You've got the cool water when the fever runs high
Youve got the look of love light in your eye

and that dance and everything leading up to it has been running through my head all week...
sigh... i have to go- peace be yours tonight my friends.

Jenn~
*Alison K.
*paul simon

The latest....

Would you tell me when to go

I will ask you how you know

I was lying in the desert when you picked me up

I was lying in the sunshine but dark was all I felt

You asked to stay awhile

You asked to stay by my side

Could you tell me where to go

So I could as you how you know

Would you show me where to step

Up the green hill

Through the valley

To the depths

I will follow my true love ere he rides

Through the firery desert

Up the mountain side

You asked to stay by my side

And you asked to stay awhile

I buried him when the sky was gray

I did not fear

Soon I'd share his Fate

The mountains cast there shadows on unseeing eyes

Rain and wind no matter still there he lies

You called me to your side

You called me to stay awhile

You came and told me where to go

I didn't ask you

how you know

One hundred years ago today

stories come

And some they stay

You can still hear their love song

Singin soft and low

Would you tell me

Where to go

Would you tell me

Where to go

Jenn&Jonnie

Listen up this is one of those "short and sweet" things

I am losing it (it being controle over tears)

It's gone!

Today I almost started crying in class, that is a huge mistake

NEVER cry in class

I shouldn't have listened

I got a speech today about not giving up!

How dare he give me that?

Oh I was mad, but surprisingly I kept my mouth shut

I wonder of tomorrow will be better?

-Jonlyn

Patience Is A Virgin

I will spare you the details... but is there not a wealth of truth in that statement?

I was pulled over saturday night on the way home from Asheville... I really don't know why this happens to me so much- its really getting old. Although there has been a pretty good bit of time between this encounter and the last. So I got pulled for drunk driving...
"You were a little left of center there ma'am.. everything alright?"
bla bla bla
"You havent been drinking tonight have you?"
bla bla bla (while looking terribly sorry and explaining how tired i was and how i had to work late and im almost home sir...)
Went through the whole license thing... all though he never took it back to his car to check up on me- then he gave my door a little "love pat" and " well you be careful tonight!" no ticket i guess i cant complain too much.
He shined the light right in my eyes as soon as he got to my window... and ofcourse he was riding my tail the whole time before he pulled me over... thats what makes me mad- why cant you be a nice cop?
anyways... I hadnt been drinking which made me very happy- not that i would have been drunk and driving home but- im just a really bad liar. I probably would have told him I had a few drinks... knowing me.

I was so frustrated just a few min. ago... Im trying to get my stinking aplication in for massage and its really making me crazy. I dont want to think about it too long or im going to get myself worked up again- so after i was too frustrated to do any good i put it all up and practically ran to the piano to vent on the keys. This piano has taken so much of my crap over the years- its big and heavy and can handle the weight of my world. I found a picture of me the other day- I guess i was 2 or so- and im standing reaching up to play our piano- the keys are just in reach.
I hope i was a cool kid... I feel weird- I think im done for now.
enjoy the day people.
Jenn~

I was only movin on when your love was giv'n to me

I would hold you in my arms one day

It was just to much to bare

His eyes they saw me scared

Strength what I wanted

Such a simple pray

It was my only pray

They called my name out loude

Walking through the door I knew I loved you

But lost is all you were

I know I'll never hold you

Inside me there was pain

Nine months were filled with rain

Shivering from cold

I knew your life went on

this is the story that was told

I will hold you in my arms

It's such a simple prayer

This is my only prayer

For two beautiful babies who I know I'll see one

I'll keep you from the cold

Forever I will love you

And in my arms I'll hold

-Aunt Jonnie

I don't want you to see me

I don't want you to talk to me

I don't want you to correct me

I dont want you to touch me

I don't want you to empress me

I don't want you to need me

I am not a controle freak!

I am not making you walk on egg shells

I am not making you tip tow around my throne

I am not letting go

I am not hold on to titely

I am not messing my life up

I can balance school,violin,friend, and family

I can make it till the 20'th

I can pass my eaxams

I can leave you unhappy

I can dance in the snow (if it would only snow)

I can fly to the moon

I will jump a train

I will drive to california

I will fly across the sea

I will Kiss your face

I will learn to live a little better

I will endure

I don't, I am not, I can, I will

I know there is to much me.

To much me!

I don't know why I've been trying to hide it.

-Jonlyn

Eye Contact...

Do you believe in signs
That whisper inside your mind
Do you have to follow through?
Leading you home again
To some place you've never been
I feel that way for you....

And I wonder who he saw when he turned around to introduce himself.
I saw a friend... Kind eyes- eyes that didn't shy away but held my gaze.
I was scared- coming in late... a month late at that. A test on that month in about a week-
A deep breath... and class began. The world as I knew it would never be the same.
A musical friendship... One I will never regret or apologize for.
They all came around me and held me up- Took me in.

How can it be true
The first time I see you
And look into your eyes-
Suddenly I knew you all my life
All my life
All my life
Suddenly I knew you all my life

Jenn~
*David Wilcox

slowly fading misery

Laughter lately visits me

Hardly knew where you went

Looking for you

Leading onward

Pushing ahead

Ceasing, hardly, thinking

Run, run quick

Close them tight seal it shut

She's spinning spinning

Take the wheel

Gently whisper in her ear

Forgotten all she ever knew

She's not broke

I think it's you

-Jonlyn

Bath tub confessions...

Though its kind of funny-
because you will never know that i was talking to you while washing my hair.

I let it all out last night. I told my fears my hopes my love... And I wasn't judged- or preached at.
It is a beautiful thing to be loved.

I process a lot in my sleep. Its much easier for me to stay focused that way. If I can lay there with my eyes closed and imagine all of it i can get a lot of things worked out.
Oh and I am living life. Reality always comes bace to kick my ass. But I am happy to feel this way- and Feel it deep in my soul. With my whole being. it scares me. I refuse to run from it though. You can't do that and feel at the same time. Not these painfully deep feelings.
I have no idea what Im saying to you- Ill go dream up a post and get back to you.

Many thanks to that amazing girl, who knows my heart- and doesnt run screaming in the other direction.

Jenn~

Here I go again

trippin over every thing you've said

Just laughin at the way you always are

I'm sorry

I didn't know I'd mess up

This soon

Here I go again

-Jonlyn

Here I go again

trippin over every thing you've said

Just laughin at the way you always are

I'm sorry

I didn't know I'd mess up

This soon

Here I go again

-Jonlyn

i love linville women

they are the best

they pass the test

when i look to the west

i see jenn and jonnie two birds in a nest

climbing to the crest

of beautifulnest

i do not jest

from "ode to jenn and jonnie" by trey hobbs and will kendall

Thank you dear souls!

It was a sunny day

not a cloud was in the sky

not a negative word was heard

from the people passing by-

*Sigh*

My heart is heavy. I am so often conflicted- this gets old!

A sad heart for the day i think. It will still be good- No one else will even know im hurting!

Well... my dear girls will know.

~Excitement and reserve~open heart- scared mind~Love and fear~

But a lot of LOVE~

This is a good place to be- just a little uncomfortable...

I hope you all have a beautiful day!

Im sorry that this is so stinkin vague- but its all i got.

~guinevere

*paul simon

Rainy day....
I love the raine, but I don't really like cold raine. I am thinking that is all we will getting for awhile. Only one more day of school this week oh praise God!

You will never guess what I did this week end ( studying was not it) My amazing friend Jenna Murphy was in BlackMountain for a basketball tournament. I had no idea she was gonna be there. She called me friday night and said she passed Brevard rd. anyhow I have no writing skills. these lights are killing my eyes! Storry goes I went to pick her up at 8 sat. morning and we went back to my house and she got to see where I live and eat and sleep it was great. Oh she lives in Indiana thats why it was such a big deal.

I am really pissy today I am sorry. I have been good on here but I was mean on some elses blog. Oh well those days come and go. I mean this person deserved it. Uhhhh!!!! He makes me so mad. What a weirdo. I want to be like a little girl and stick my toungue out at him and call him names ahahah.... That would be so fun.

I only have one more class today lalalalala. I am so excited. I have a date at four o'clock sharp. It is going do be so enjoyable.

Aren't yall so happy it is almost thanksgiving day! Just think of all that food and the green beens mmmmmm. Of course see my family is gonna be the best ever! My sister, Todd, and the boys are coming! I get to see my nephews they are amazing. spend the day with all three of my sisters!

It is possible that easter is going to be my favorite holiday this year. We will see though. I think I should go not because I need to, but because I am sure you want me to. So here I go you are no longer stuck here trying to see if I have a point. I DONT!

-Jonlyn

Strings are flyin

and I haven't said a word

Bitterly I dance beside you moonlight shimmers in your eye

Look behind and glance straight at them

Lovers spinnin cross the flour

You see its for them I'm playin

luckiest forever,forever

Some thing calls you back

Please sing for us once more

How does it feel

How do you feel

Standin all alone

All alone

Lost in all this caoss

Pretending I am fine

Untill I see you shining in the light

That's when I knew I loved you

I can see it's for me he's playin

Luckiest,forever,forever

I know

I will love her forever

-Jonlyn

The rain is helping me to breathe deep today-

Dear ones,
Life is good! I am giving a massage today- to a possible regular client. It will be interesting to see how all of this works into my life. I really enjoy massage- And its a big part of my life now.
That makes me happy.

Let me tell you about a precious boy named Jacob. He is three months old.. He loves music! He loves when i sing to him and play the piano- and this is my job? It's really amazing how things come together!
The newest addition to my patch of baby friends is Jessie- (beautiful name) she is a red headed blue eyed girl with a smile that will make your heart hurt its so sweet. Her parents own the pottery shop down the road so im traiding baby sitting for more pottery lessons- very exciting! Im really in to this trade stuff these days.

I am going to see Jessie tonight- not the baby my best friend- much needed time.
And it helps that we are going to see Ben Folds I wont lie- thats part of the excitement. But truly a big part belongs to this girl.
Ok... I have to go get massage stuff together and get my table in the car- I wont be here for awhile- Have fun guys.. I will be!

~ Jenn

~PASTA~

And the days following...

Last night jonnie and I played at essence.. my dad and jt came later too- I love my little town. They were in the middle of House of the rising sun....( In A minor of course- one of my very favorite keys to fiddle in) when we walked in. So I pulled out the fiddle- its great to surprise people like that... Pretend like you belong- fake it till you make it kind of stuff- my kind of stuff. So fun!
Then we did a few of our own songs. Im working on a new song- which can be very tricky.
But im excited about it. And im going to hear ben folds on wednesday-(i get to see jessie)
Then on Thursday Im going to hear Last Train Home.... which- well ill just say it- i have a big stupid girly crush on the lead singer. Pretty funny... never really been that girl before.
But I had an amazing time at that concert last time so im looking forward to a repeat.
Plus Im camping two weekends in a row- 0h.. and did i tell you i never have to look at an anatomy book again? which... is kind of funny because im a bit of an A&P nerd so that doesn't do a whole lot for me. But the fact that Im done. Thats really- oh ive posted about this sorry...
Its just nice.
Im going to go work on some things. I hope your well- I look forward to seeing yall over fall break! Keep having fun!

Jenn Rhea~

"You passed!"
"Im sorry what?"
"You passed!"

I am so floored right now yall! You have no idea. I passed my nationals... and I scored really high! Im so stinkin excited- i would like to tell you about other things but this is all your going to get out of me tonight... I can't believe im done. Ok... Thanks for all your encouragement and prayers! I think we are going to go to Asheville tonight to celebrate. Have a wonderful night!
Give me a call if your around.

Jenn~

Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

The slily stisres

Death is filling up this room

Let me turn my face

Close that please I can't take the sight, but she needs to kiss him one last time

Slowly drifting there a sound

Sorrow, Loneliness, pain

Tell the truth using lies push it in there face

Slam, you smack the truth

Trying to open there eyes

Teary red blues eyes

Beauty is filling up this place

let me turn and see

Kiss my face while I'm alive

Remember life Remember death

Hold my hand and smile please

Sorrow, Loneliness, Pain

I need your smile in my eyes

Let me see the light I'm tired of the dark

Mostly of this night

Laughter seems so far away and not inside of me

Missed by all

He's gone

He left

Away from here

So far

-Jonlyn

(a reflection on yesturday)

UUhhhmmm....

I am sitting at school in one of the computer labs. There is guy watching cartoon porne! I don't even know how to spell it. What is he thinking!??? No that is just pathetic

-Jonlyn

Your own personal Invite!

We have our John Denver concert tomorrow night 7:00 at Brevard College-
come if you can.
Complete with vocals, violins,piano (an amazing concert grand) Guitars of all kinds....Beatiful women and good looking men. There you go- Its a must see!
I will talk to you all soon.
ok- im getting up early to workout with Feather so im going to sleep.
Have fun!
Jenn

"Is it you?"
"... I think its a part of me."

I don't know where to start- Things are changing guys. Fast and all at once- always.
I have been making some amazing memories. Spending time and talking to my dear friends... There is a connection with these people that I could never explain to you!
It comes out when we dance with each other... Or laugh at the same time- or smile just in time to catch each others thoughts... I went to a party at my school Saturday night and I saw them.
And we danced and acted crazy and caught up with each other... And they know me.
I have this connection with some of you- many of you... But the thing is- I have next to nothing in common with these people! We are each so extremely different. I love it. We all struggled through a year of craziness and questions that we couldn't answer. And now.. Looking back Im so grateful for that!
This is sounding ridiculous I think. But it was really nice to be with them again...
had a wonderful time as Cleopatra! I have noticed myself still walking around like a queen and feeling just as beautiful as I did that night... Lovely!

I have a kitten on my lap! There are three we just found them today... They live under our house. I think im taking this one with me when I go-
Ok... I have so stinkin much more to tell you guys but threes no time.
Im having fun... and working... and my goal of LMT is really close now.
ok.. im going. Be well!

Jenn

Hay rides

Starry skies

Best friends

Frozen faces

Camp fires

Leaf piles

Roasted marshmellows

Music

I am sure I can go on

But I am not gonna

Today I was thrown back in reality

I am still suffering from whip lash

Such a sudden change

It was just a piece of paper

I feel all mixed up. Like some body

scattered all of me around. I am sure I will pull out.

There she was sitting, and I walked through

the door. I cant say how I felt it had been

over a year. A YEAR I was so happy

Then she was gone.

I left and went to see another dear friend.

Such little time, I have so little time.

God knows me.

He know me well

Sending me people just in time

Right when I needed a friend

When I began to forget the way they laughed or smiled

Now I will keep trusting He can keep me safe

-jonlyn

OH and how can I forget Jenn

Hello Jenn, or is it Miss Cleopatra,

I'm sure your costume is perfect, Cleopatra herself would be jealous of you if she could see you breaking it down on the dance floor. Not that you need me to tell you this but Have fun, I'm sure, no I'm positive you will, Dance the night away but be safe.

Talk to you later, oh and give jonlyn a hug form me, Love David

Cleapatra frustrations....

Hello all- I thought I should post before the weekend. Im planning on have too much fun to be here... I hope you are all well- the costume is coming along- the test is coming up- havent been getting much sleep. Things are kind of crazy and as random and unfinished as this post.
Have a good night!

Jenn~

Well My dears, I do believe it has arrived. I woke up this mornin and there it was cloudy, cold, and grey. At this sight I simply turned over and went back to sleep. An hour and a half later I woke went down stairs and sat on moms bed, and we talked for awhile. Wonderful I missed her while she was away. Things just seem to fall apart when she leaves. Then 8 O'clock came and I had to get up and leave. I smell like smoke as I made the anouncement in class today a guy got up and sniffed me GGRRRR>>>>> I just ignored him. There is a reason I smell like smoke and that is because Dad put a fire in the stove and some thing apparently didn't go as planned so there you go. My day thus far.

Oh, and I want to introduce you to my friend Hadia, she has been posting (hhh.. hhmmm. Unlike a lot of you) in our comment box. I met Hadia about 4 years ago, but I became her friend when we went to a lovely place called Ireland. Then we went to Slovakia together. Just wanted you to know her, and know she is wonderful.

There you go all of the above was written by Jonlyn Linville

Surrounded, and revealed to this

Don't look at me that way, and please don't

Well, just don't

A slap would have been comfortable

And it would have been easy

But it wasn't good timing

You know?

maybe you do know

I hope you do

Words of anger could have worked

But then again it was bad timing

Whats a girl to do

Tell me

WHAT!?

jun-go-booc?

*Laughing* You can talk to jonlyn about that- im sure she will be more then happy to explain!
Sometimes I am just... wow- my brain has the option of shutting down at any time apparently.
Against my will i assure you. Anyways... I get to keep Michael today- Im really happy about that!
Oh yes- and there is a new man in my life- his name is Jacob. He is 2 months old and so precious!
I start working with him in november.

So I have this friend... kind of a friend from the past or something. I dont know- but she has asked me to be her roommate- So Im trying to decide about that. hmm... just got the call i was waiting for- Jt and i are going to lunch with Randy. Ill talk to you later- Enjoy the day!

Jenn~

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter Lyrics

And so it isJust like you said it would be

Life goes easy on meMost of the time

And so it isThe shorter storyNo love,

no gloryNo hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

And so it isJust like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze

Most of the time

And so it is

The colder waterThe blower's daughter

The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you

I can't take my eyes off you

I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?

Did I say that I want toLeave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of youI can't take my mind

off youI can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off youI can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...My mind...my mind...

'Til I find somebody new

-jonlyn ( this does not represent me)

yada yada yada....

Oh dear ones-
I want to gather you all around me in a big circle and look into each of your eyes as a spin around. With a long flowy skirt on of course. There is my thought of you for the day.
Im going to essence of thyme to study. I really like it there. its so beautiful today!
OK- peace be with you!
Jenn

LEAF!!!
My place is among the free at heart.

Guys...
I had such a blast at the festival- I have decided to go to as many as possible in my life time.
I have had some wonderful days/nights lately. A festival is all about a good time-
which is quite a magical thing! Music* Music* Music*Dancing*Dancing*Dancing* beautiful.
And I was with a dear friend.

Goals for the near future: 1 study for and pass my nationals 2. Become LMBT 3. Get my own place. Although i will hopefully have an apartment before I am licensed.
I have this great nanny job lined up that starts in november... good money! so i will probably sit tight for a month or two- and then venture out on my own. Im thinking without a room mate-
until jessie comes back for the summer anyways. So these are my plans- lets watch how they get changed around and messed with in the next couple of weeks shall we?
oh... and a much more pressing matter my Halloween costume! Im loving it guys.
im really excited about it.

My dad is going to look for a truck today- nothing big and certainly cant be expensive...
but a truck!
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO MY DAD! He is trying to play it cool i think.
when i asked him if he was excited he said
"well... you know me. I dont get excited about a trip til im on the plane."
With his slow rolling words. Love it!

Lets see... i feel like i need to be doing other things right now. So ill be back soon.
Oh wait! Did I tell you that this amazing girl came to see me last weekend? Complete with laughter, tears, and quite often a beautiful combo of the two.. its was lovely. More time would have been nice... more time is what i always seem to need. I have to go- have fun guys!!
Jenn~

Cold and steely
On my back turned to see
Darkness falling
From the distant shallow place
Came to me unknown
Sudden death or instant life
Hatred pulses from your veins
Blue and black
Darkness falling
Breathless little boy
Shiver in the rain
Stings the face
deflects a smile
Sheltered places all are gone
Some things creeping
So, sheltered places are my dream
Follow, follow, not to far
Darkness falling

Calm you stay

Ahead you'll be thinking, thinking constantly

Over now, or so it seems

Friends forever, occasionally

Cold and steely on my back

Words you whispered

I turned to see

Darkness Fallen

-Jonlyn

Music....
Its such a part of me guys... I don't know if you have realized that- but i forget it sometimes.
Oh.. i have to go- ill talk to you guys soon. Just a short thought for the day.
Jenn~

A clip for you...

The light flows through the frosty air of the crisp autumn morning

To fall at an angle on a sphere of dew hanging for the last leaf fall must defeat,

And all creation stands jealously by

Wishing attention of that little beam.

I watch, and watching, it seems etheral songs float my way

Through the fog before the clouds break into a rain

Which wets my face with the loving tears of God

J.E.R-

These amazing words are on loan from a friend... hope you enjoyed them as much as i did.

I am going to GA for a few days- i hope you all are well and good when i return! I have so much to tell you guys... but we are leaving in a few hours and i havent put one single thing in a bag.... i dont even have the bag-

ok... ill talk to you when i come back.

Jenn~

Laugh at me on rainy days

Call me from a distant place

Deeper now she's fallin in

Whisper

Save her faith with golden stars

Catch her eye and make her sing

build her up

Can you see

Can you hear?

Waiting

Calling

Lady lovely lady fair

Catch her before she disapears

-Jonlyn (19 year old jonlyn that is)

Some times I hate school! This is ( Incas you were wondering) one of those days, and in a very big way. For the first time I really just want to pick up and leave, but I can't.

You see the problem is I woke up thinking I would be done at 12:00 well it is now 12:00 and I am still here, but you know what the worst part is? I am not even in class obviously! I am on a break for an hour who wants to be on break for an hour when you could be with a beautiful girl and an amazing guy! Uhmmm NO ONE! Plus my last class is voice. YUCK!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.......

I am such a grouch today. Thankfully I just reread what I wrote so I will try and be more positive. I almost started crying when I told her that I had to stay longer.

May I please try and justify my self? You see me friend is visiting from England and of course I don't get to see him much, but I thought I was going to be spending most of my day with him and Jenn. Now I just have to get used to the fact that I won't be until 2:30. I can make till then right?

I think this is by far the most surface post I have written in a very long time! Oh well hang on I will try again later. Please still be my friends... *wink*

Jonlyn

Transition...

This is a long bridge. I can't seem to get there from here... Sure things are lined up- the ball is rolling. But there's this terrible wait in between. And they can't see the big picture- they can't see the goal. They also can't seem to trust my judgment, my convictions.
It's an interesting place to be.
Have you ever had a time in your life where everything you do and say is questioned by someone? Your path- the thing you have worked so hard for and finally reached?
I had a wonderful talk with a lovely lady last night. And she looked me in the eye and said
"I don't really know if you need to hear this.. But..." And she went on from there.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. She said it over and over to me as I brought her my stuff and put it out on the table we were sitting around. I had so much to say. Half the time my was trying to figure out what was going to come out first. And there would be these awkward sentences out of no where- they didn't fit really. But they were cries for help.
We talked about Grace- and how glad I am to have a new start at Biltmore. We talked about school- and work- and tests- and relationships... The good the bad and the ugly.
And I realized that this "transition" time where it looks like maybe I did some bad planning or something, this time is really for me. It's exactly where I need to be. With exactly who I am in this moment.
Her words hit hard and deep and she could see my heart through all the explaining.
It was a beautiful time. I realized how much I have to deal with from school and work and the craziness of the year. Lots to process! So im trying to take deep breaths and wait with expectancy but not impatience.. I'll let you know how that goes.

just one more thought and then I will leave you.

I don't know where I stand with many of you that might stumble across here- But I know that my love and care for you runs deep- far deeper then the circumstances and conflict that we live in together now. You are at the deepest level- and will remain always!

I am off to listen to this amazing CD that Lena* lent to me.. Jess you have to hear it!
ok.. Lots of things today- I will be talking at you soon.
Show the world the beauty that I have seen in EACH of you!
Jennifer.

Re-up!

Hey... I got to talk to this amazing guy last night- He's the best! Truly my best friend.
and i want him to be happy.

Anyhow- life has been fun the past couple of days. Although i have realized something again-
Im not very good at making up my mind. I like possibilities too much to chose i think. And on top of that im this really silly girl. really silly.
John thomas told me the other day...
" your awesome- pretty crazy- and sometimes you can be really emotional!"
pretty accurate huh? i just laughed- 11 year old brothers are great for honesty!

I love fire! can i tell you that? and some how the chick that painted my face at the festival picked up on that and i walked around with flames on my face all day. beautiful!
I had so much fun that day- festivals are so for me. I can't even tell you-
speaking of fire, i got to sit around a fire with a dear friend that i hadn't seen in awhile.
it was lovely... I feel very blessed to know so many amazing people! And Will is no exception!
I guess this is a "catch you up" post.. or thats what it has turned into.
I still have all those insane things running around in my head today- but its just not the day to let them out onto all you poor innocent children.. (children? i dont know just flows.)
So i have scheduled my test- which means i have to do some actual studying now. I have been working on it but this is going to be hard core. I'll let you know how that goes.
I should go get started on that!
let me tell you i am blessed! and that Peace really is the way that God meets me personally.
Thats how i know He's still around. If you know me... you know how confused i can get about... EVERYTHING. too caught up in the moment. But sometimes His peace absolutely fills and surrounds me-i have to take a deep breath and bring it all in.

Im having dinner with a dear friend tonight- I love having time for relationship again-
I missed that the most- ok im going
be wonderful today!

Jenn~*~

Not a single tear...

Have a grown cold or harsh?
Have a really changed that much?
Sometimes i look back and i see so much joy-
I was so trusting of my God then... these questions were never even a possibility.
and i wonder now what i will do when certain situations arise- and i wonder now how much i really believe what I've always known. Tonight i realized it when i was trying to hide my convictions... some of which are becoming more like... Options- one way to go.
So interesting to see how we all have changed. Do you find it interesting?
Look back on the past year- how much has it formed you? I think its impossible to say.
Read some old e-mails or posts... It amazed me!
This has been turning over and over in my mind lately. Well... Basically for the past year.
and can you ever fully know anyone if we change so often? I have mixed feelings about this.
Because i see it as growth usually- but i guess its always growth.
change- ah yes.. it can be so exciting or absolutely heart breaking. and often both mixed in with about 100 other feelings.
And my opinion of it is as shifty as change its self.
Im going on i know... round and round.
Im looking forward to the next step. I am in Limbo.
Playing the waiting game and depending on others far more then im used to.
and waiting on answers from so many people. Big people. State board people. and lots of others.
I don't know how i got here...
My skin is feeling every bit of this chill in the air... and im going to go seek the refuge of a warm blanket.

Sleep in peace tonight-
Im sorry for when these silly things get the best of my mind and you are left with the pieces.

Jenn~

" I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.

But take heart!

I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

...so that in me you may have peace.

Hmm...

I have decided to have a good day- and a good night. Although this past week wasn't a walk in the park and this weekend will not reach my full hopes.

I think that I can manage to have a wonderful time all the same.

I like not knowing whats coming- to be able to handle whats just around the korner.

It takes a little more time- but I am pretty good at making a come back.

I am confident in where i stand and who i am... that has been frustrating to some people lately i think. Sorry these are just some thoughts running through my head today. Of course there are pleanty of things i would like to know that i dont

and may never know for that matter.

.. and there are times when im not sure of myself and instead im scared and hurting and have nothing to say.

But thats only sometimes... Balance my dear- this is my life lesson.

So i will be in Asheville tonight- give me a call if you want to meet up.

I will be talking at yall soon im sure.

Enjoy the cool air in your lungs.

Jenn~

So... do you have any brothers and sisters?

Its amazing when it all comes together... I wish i could be there to see your face-
All my love dear one!
Jenn~

I am trying to decide, is this the part where I take a deep breath?

Where I look ahead and move on

Is this the part where I put it all behind me

Right now it seems to be a step ahead of me

No matter where I turn there it is

Cold

Regret

sorrow

Remembrance

Wonder

Awe

Faith

Hope

Paine

LOVE

I mean its just there

The other day I went and sat by the lake

It was a perfect day for doing just that

I wanted it to come to me

The thing I have been waiting for, but it never did

So, I picked up my shoes and walked away

I feel like doing that a lot lately

Can't I just give up, and let it go

The answer is indeed no, as you may have guest

I want to so badly some times

That is when I let my heart go

You know imagine what it will be like

(that is if I follow my dream or my dream doesn't change)

To live so far away, and I know that this feeling will never leave

when I am there and I have reached my goal, I wonder,

I wonder if I will let my heart go and dream of home

I'm sure I will, yes I am sure

Never Ending

-jonlyn

summer love that lasts all year long.....

I am in desperate need of a visit with my dearest friend jessie.
It has been far too long. Today i went to Grace and played the piano- it took a good five minutes for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. It was an interesting time though before they did- If i kept my eyes closed then i could play much better- if i just accepted the darkness instead of trying to see what was white and black, and what was my hand. There is a lesson in this for me. And my voice is not so good from the tears- and i think i sounded awful but i sang loud... There is something about singing in that room- i feel like i have to fill up all the silence-
the piano does it well. My voice- it leaves much to be wanted.

So about this forever love... I watched that over the weekend. The canyon that is in her heart now. Its like trying to fill up the silence its not an option. it is not a goal to be reached.
Their love was strong. "i have never seen anyone more married!"
I want to find this love. You should have been there to hear what they said about him.
You should have seen the way her eyes would light up when she told stories of their lives together. It was a beautiful weekend. It has left me exhausted though. We got home at 4:30
this morning.... my dad drove all through the night.
Anyways... they had a lifetime of love- it was such an honor to witness that.

I should go- I feel like there is so much to tell you. I would love to do it in person-
Im going to rest. Or go catch the last bit of the sunset down my the river..
Either way im going now. I will talk to you all soon.
Jennifer~

We are going to GA to be with the our friend Linda- she just lost her husband in a car accident.
Please pray for her! We will be back some time on Monday...
Thanks guys for all your love and support!
We love you all-
Jenn and Jonnie~

Truth....

"The notes I handle no better than many pianist.
But the pauses between the notes--ah, that is where art resides."
-Atur Schnabel

I am learning this...
Jenn~

Shit!! (excuse me)
i lost my post.... Basically my night was wonderful. And i really like it when guys have scars on their faces. Im hopeless i think. i will be back soon- hope your happy tonight! Oh... and i got to talk to jessie!
Jenny~
(i havent been called that in awhile.. but tonight it made a come back)

Good combination....

Wow... have you ever said goodbye shut the door- and then wanted to run back and do it all over again? accept with a little more passion? well that was tonight. but i didn't go back- too much to consider.. Lovely!

After I got home I talked to Jessie- and we both rattled on for minutes at a time without taking a breath.
Lots to catch up on. I needed her expert advice of course. I wonder how different my life would be without her? how many wrong choices would i have made? how many more i should say.

movies are great to watch with a new friend... Especially- well nevermind.
I am happy tonight... And so is my aunt- She is getting her dream back. Im so ecxited for her! I know that most of you don't even know this story and im not going to tell it to you...
But tonight is a good night.

Hope yours is too-

Jenn~

That big black piano....

Wow-
I felt...
It was amazing!
And he was leaning over watching-
and she was singing harmony-
and i missed you-
feelings of deep hurt-
it was heavy but at the same time i felt like i was on top of the world.
Anything could happen-
and so much did...
minutes really-
smiles-
laughter-
catching a strangers eye-
and dancing-
and this one, he was happy-
and you want to know the weird thing? She knew.
your so funny-
slow down girl-
and she... she had diamonds on the soles of her shoes.
and this one, her red hair was stunning in the sunlight.
broken hearts are hard to swallow.
and big black piano's are hard to leave behind.

Jenn~

Yours....

I have watched one too many love movies lately.
I don't like the mood they put me in these days. Not happy- only wanting.
But i watch them.. often.

I realize how fast i get caught up in the moment. I do and say things that anyone in their right mind would never do or say. And i have sort of limited myself now- put a box around something that should have kept its neutral state... see- i have to be careful what i say now. sigh...
mmm... i have had some wonderful nights lately- Oh and i found out that there was a full moon on my graduation day. Jonlyn Jc and i had the most wonderful conversations last night. I think we were about as real as it gets.

I get to take care of an amazing baby tonight- this girl is bound to be glorious.

we spent the day surrounded by water falls today. And you would think that would leave a person quite clean... but i have to go get a shower and head to Asheville.
oh! I have an interview tomorrow for a nanny position and im nervous! So please pray for me at 3:30. I must go- please be well- all of you.
Jennifer Rhea Linville
(its a nice looking name dont ya think?)

Spinning and it's getting faster

Pressing you harder

and harder into the back of your seat

You've held your breath up untill now

Your not sure how long ago now is from when you got on

All you know is you have to let it out

SCREAM

Then your up for the second round.

You wonder if you didn't scream

Would you explode?

Not because it's logical

Besides no one who used logic would be on a ride like this.

Only because thats how you felt

I felt that same feeling today

I was on the parkway

Passing all the bikers

Who must have only been going

THREE miles per hour

That is when I thought

"I don't want to view the Park Way at 3 mph"

Nor do I want to see it at 40 mph

That is the speed all the old people drive

I did decide that I want to see it at 60 mph

Everything is just wonderful

When your going 60

Your just about to fly

Conquering all the twists and turns

But suddenly there it is

FEELING

I felt like I was going to fly

Yes it sounds wonderful

But if you only knew where I would be flying to

Putting it off for as long as I could

TAP

The car fell to a mere 55

Of course in no time it had resumed to a lovely 60

That is how my life has been

I wonder if it is that way for all of us

We suddenly realize

Oh yeah I need air to live

I need breaks to stay grounded

I need him...

Yes, I really do need him

I NEED

-Jonlyn